Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize