He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The air taste purple.
Randomize
