low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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