just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
