she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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