Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
