the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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