beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
