I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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