grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
