Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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