The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
