thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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