put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
