alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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