Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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