I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
