I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
