I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
