Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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