I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
