Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
