dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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