No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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