who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize