69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
