Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
