she was so not down for the gang bang
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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