I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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