My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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