My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
