how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
