and next time when you feel me up, do it right
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
