I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
