Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
