Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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