he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
