you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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