Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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