I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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