Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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