I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
