i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
