I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
