I'm lost and stupid without you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
