is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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