you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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