Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
