Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
