She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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