My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
