I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
