My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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