when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
