Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
