he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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