The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
