...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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