One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
