would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
