Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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