it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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