i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
