is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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