Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
